When Confidence Feels Far Away: What Energy Might Be Asking of You
The strongest confidence is built from the inside out. What I’m learning about how confidence is connected to energy and presence, step by step.
This post is Part 1 of a 3-part series: Returning to Your Inner Confidence.
In this series, I explore how confidence isn’t a fixed trait. Instead, it’s something we can return to when we understand what shapes it. In this first post, we look at the surprising connection between confidence and energy: How dips in energy can amplify self-doubt, and how restoring your reserves can help you reconnect with your inner steadiness.
Recently, I had a conversation with a colleague that I mentor. She’s been reading The Mentally Strong Leader by Scott Mautz, a book I recommended for its practical approach to concepts like confidence, fortitude, and decision-making. What stood out most wasn’t the content of the book, but what she shared in response to it.
The book asks readers to rate themselves on a series of confidence-related behaviors like:
Handling criticism
Avoiding comparison
Believing you’re enough
Feeling like you can figure things out as you go
She wasn’t surprised that she scored lower in areas like inner talk and imposter feelings. But what did surprise her, and struck a chord with me, was her awareness of when her confidence tends to dip:
““When my energy is low, I don’t have much of an army to fight the negative self-talk.””
That moment landed deeply. Because I’ve been reflecting on something similar in my own life and leadership.
Confidence and Energy: A Gentle Loop
We often talk about confidence as if it’s a fixed trait: Either you have it or you don’t. But more and more, I see confidence as contextual and energetic. It’s fluid, affected by everything from sleep to connection to emotional capacity.
When your energy is full:
You’re more optimistic.
You’re able to handle tough feedback with perspective.
You trust your ability to figure things out.
When your energy is low:
Self-doubt creeps in.
The inner critic gets louder.
You may find yourself seeking external validation, even when you usually don’t need it.
And that doesn’t mean your confidence has disappeared. It means you energy system might be asking for care and attention.
What If It’s Not a Fight?
That “army” comment lingered with me. Because so many of us were taught to fight back against self-doubt. To push through. To argue with the inner critic like we’re in court.
But what if it’s not a fight at all?
What if confidence isn’t something we win, but something we return to?
This is where energy and self-awareness become crucial. If we treat low confidence as a signal, not a failure, then we can ask better questions:
What’s draining me right now?
What restores me?
What helps me remember who I am?
In this conversation, my colleague named a few: Death, illness, and difficult interpersonal dynamics were depleting. But moments of connection, family time, and meaning replenished her.
Confidence didn’t need fixing.
It just needed space to breathe again.
Inner Knowing Over External Validation
As a leader, I try to offer encouragement and feedback. But my real hope is that the people I support grow into a sense of inner knowing, a self-trust that doesn’t rely on my validation or anyone else’s.
Sometimes that knowing takes time.
Sometimes it arrives quietly, through lived experience.
As we said in our conversation: “It hits different” when you’re ready to hear it.
So if confidence feels far away today, be gentle with yourself.
You’re not broken. You’re human.
And the path back to yourself may be softer than you think.
What’s Your Reflection?
Think of confidence like a mirror.
When you look into it, the reflection doesn’t change until you do.
You can’t will the mirror to look different; you must shift something within you to see a new version of yourself reflected back.
So if confidence feels distant right now, take a breath. This isn’t about forcing a new image. It’s about gently tuning into what’s happening inside.
Take a moment to reflect on these two questions:
What’s quietly draining your energy each day?
What’s one small way you could replenish that same energy?
The answers may not appear immediately, and that’s ok. You’re not rushing toward transformation—you’re returning to yourself, one insight at a time.
If this message resonated with you, I created something to help you keep the momentum going.
Download the Return to Inner Confidence Reflection Guide: It’s a simple, beautiful one-pager designed to help you realign with your energy, reframe familiar beliefs, and reconnect with the version of you that’s already enough.
It’s free, and it’s yours.
Or, want to keep receiving these kinds of reflections straight to your inbox?
Join my list here. I’d love to stay connected.
In the next post, we’ll explore how familiar thoughts, while comforting, may not align with the version of ourselves we’re becoming. Until then, notice what fuels you. Notice what drains you. And remember, confidence isn’t something you chase. It’s something you return to.
