Redefining Reciprocity: A Reflection on Connection, Chemistry, and Growth
Michelle standing with a dear voter on election day in May 2022.
An Unforgettable Wellness Retreat
I recently returned from a 3-day fitness retreat at Canyon Ranch in Tucson, one of those rare experiences that resets you from the inside out with movement, nature, stillness, and soul.
But the part that moved me the most, and in a surprising way, was what happened during the goodbye.
As I hugged Coach Coco and thanked her for her love, leadership, and community, she paused, looked me in the eyes, and said:
“I need this community as much as you do.”
Her words landed softly and deeply.
They sparked a reflection I keep returning to:
What is reciprocity, really?
The Old Reciprocity: Scorekeeping
For much of my life, I thought of reciprocity as a ledger.
A give-and-take.
An attempt to keep everything fair and balanced.
Reciprocity meant:
Doing your part
Matching someone else’s effort
Ensuring the exchange felt “even”
But that’s not what this moment felt like.
What Coach was talking about wasn’t transactional—it was transformational.
It dawned on me that I carried an old way of thinking about reciprocity.
The New Reciprocity: A Dynamic Energy
Reciprocity, as I’m coming to realize, is not about keeping score.
It’s not tit for tat.
It’s not a balance sheet filled with deposits and expenditures.
Reciprocity is reflective.
It’s the invisible two-way feedback that helps both people identify:
Alignment
Resonance
Emotional security
Or maybe, even gentle misalignment
It’s an energy that builds momentum.
It supports growth, evolution, and expansion…together.
We become someone we weren’t before.
Real reciprocity is not static.
It’s dynamic, connective, alive.
The Science of Connection
In neuroscience, there’s a principle known as Hebbian learning:
“Neurons that fire together, wire together.”
The most meaningful relationships work the same way.
When we’re emotionally present with someone,
when we reflect their light back to them,
when we allow ourselves to be shaped and influenced by their presence,
those moments form connections in the brain that can last long after the moment is over.
Emotions trigger chemical feedback.
When those emotions are repeated across conversations, experiences, or shared growth, they strengthen neural pathways like roots interweaving underground.
Clusters of neurons begin working together as a community.
That’s the kind of reciprocity I’m drawn to now:
The kind that rewires you.
The kind that changes your internal chemistry in the most beautiful way.
A Living Definition
As I think about the communities I belong to, whether it’s my research team, my Fit with Coco family, fellow authors, friends, and family, I find myself coming back to this new understanding.
Reciprocity is not about keeping it even.
It’s about keeping it real.
It’s about who we become because of each other.
Whether it happens in a quiet moment at a wellness retreat in Tucson or across the everyday rhythms of our lives, reciprocity is a blueprint.
A remembering…
A shared connection that invites us into a deeper version of ourselves.
What’s Your Reflection?
When was the last time you experienced this kind of reciprocity?
The kind that moved you.
Rewired you.
Shifted something inside you in the most meaningful way?
If you’re exploring your own journey of emotional wellbeing, I hope this reflection offers a gentle invitation back to yourself, whether at home or during a retreat like Canyon Ranch.
